A Very Good Essay in Wake of Kelsey's Death

Refusing to live in fear's grip

By JENEE' OSTERHELDT

The Kansas City Star

I live alone. I often grocery shop alone, mall-hop alone and, because of how much I enjoy wandering the aisles of Target for an hour or more, I go there alone, too.

And, yes, I’ve been scared. The fear usually sets in after too many episodes of “Law & Order: SVU” or after I have seen something tragic in the news.

I’ve cut my dog’s walks short late at night when a chill tiptoed up my spine. Sometimes I’ll run across my downtown parking lot to cut back the time I’m in the dark alone.

Still, most of the time, I’m confident about my safety. I lock all my doors. I carry my keys in my hand on my way to my car. And I have the cops on speed dial.

Like everyone else I was stunned and shaken by the news last weekend about the abduction of Kelsey Smith. And on Wednesday, after the 18-year old Overland Park woman’s body was found, my normal everyday fear leapt up another notch.

It’s hard to understand how a trip to the store can end so morbidly, and it’s easy to let the panic take over.

Kelsey Smith wasn’t somewhere desolate or walking in the dark of night. She was just leaving Target, with a shopping bag in her hand.

The fact that a woman was forcibly taken in a well-lit parking lot outside a popular store is unsettling to everyone.

We’re all thinking about Kelsey and her family. But we’re also thinking of our daily routines and looking at the habits of those we love, trying to figure out how to be more cautious while living in this world.

This week I have been bombarded with tips: carry pepper spray, check my surroundings, take a self-defense class, and as one of my co-workers put it, be “hyper-vigilant.” One news story even suggested that women should take a friend when they run errands — the buddy system.

My first reaction is to do all those things.

And then I clear my head and choose not to give in to the notion that at any given time a psychopath could take charge of my life. I’m not about to pepper spray every man that looks at me strangely.

The truth is, beyond walking swiftly and confidently with my keys in my hand and checking my back seat, I don’t intend to change my routine.

I’m not asking my friends to roll with me every time I go to the store. And I shouldn’t have to.

Kelsey Smith did nothing wrong. She shopped at Target, walked to her car and put her packages in the trunk. She wasn’t lollygagging in the lot, she wasn’t on her cell phone and she wasn’t somewhere deserted and dangerous.

When I watch those security tapes of that innocent young woman, I don’t see how she could have done things more carefully.

She was the victim of a heinous crime. It’s heartbreaking and it’s tragic.

And it’s hurtful that society is becoming a place where women are encouraged to live defensively. No one wants to live in fear. It’s like having an Orange Alert on our everyday lives. I don’t want to be paranoid and devise an emergency plan for every parking-lot scenario.

I don’t want to live my life walking on egg shells. I just want to live my life.